Today, I was talking to a two of my girlfriends and the topic of consent came up – in this particular instance one of my friend’s was talking about how she had to explain to a colleague that just because a girl flirts with a guy doesn’t mean she has to have sex with him, even after she says yes she can change her mind and that is COMPLETELY her right – her choice to do so. As this conversation went on, it reminded of something else I had heard a long time ago.
She told me that he was her EVERYTHING and that she would have done ANYTHING to make him happy. Sounds a little over the top? Well I guess, she was fifteen and he was the first boy she had ever ‘loved’. But he was not a good boy.
He visited her in hospital one time (she was admitted there because she had a horrible reaction to some medication). She- was so happy that he had actually made the effort to come see her, he – was happy that they finally were in a room unsupervised. “I think this is a good time to have sex” he suggested. She didn’t know how to react (I am sick and I have tubes stuck on my arms – how is this a good time!) But she thought if she didn’t say yes he would break up with her so she just smiled at him. As soon as it started, she wanted it to stop. She didn’t want to do this. He was hurting her, the tubes of saline injected to her writs were hurting her, she was bleeding – she wanted him to stop. She tried to push him off, she told him no, she started crying but he didn’t seem to notice. Once he was done he got off her, threw the used condom on to her bed and told her to stop crying “you said okay, you don;t have the right to change your mind.” Then he walked off. She gathered all her strength to get up, roll her saline cart to the bathroom so that she can clean up the blood and other stains off her, get rid of the condom, change the sheets and resume life like nothing ever happened.
Scarred at such a young age.