I remember the guy who bullied me when I was 10 years old. He was senior, probably in ninth grade at the time and had recently moved to Dubai from India. We lived in the same apartment complex and so went on the same school bus. I don’t know why he decided that he hated me but he did and he made sure I knew just how much. He never did anything while we were actually in school or when we were on the school bus, but the few minutes he had between getting on to the bus and the time between getting off the bus and going up the elevator were horrible. It started with him throwing an entire bottle of water on me just before I got on the bus and then things escalated. One day just as we were nearing our home, he came up to me and said I’m going to kill you filthy lankan. And I didn’t know what to do except to run to hide in the underground car park instead of heading to the elevator. That monster followed me, he chased me around for awhile until I ran into the elevator but I wasn’t fast enough- he got in as well and spat at me and pulled my hair while I crouched in the corner biting my tongue and forcing myself not to cry. When the doors opened on his floor, he just got off very casually and walked off like nothing happened and I went to my house and told no one about it., I was scared because he told me he would kill my mum too. He did this a few times before he got caught by the Manager of our apartment who walked into the elevator and saw him kicking me and spitting at my face. He and his family were kicked out of the apartment complex shortly after and my parents went and complained to the school and he was expelled. I was so scared the whole time because I felt like I had given more reason for him to come kill me and my family.
I had many long conversations after that with my parents, with the school counsellor and the likes who told me all about bullies and how I need to stand up for myself and tell an adult if something like that ever happens again- because hurting another human, bullying is never okay. After awhile, I stopped having nightmares and I stopped crying all the time and I felt safe. I felt like now that I had been through a terrifying bullying experience I would be safe from it and I wouldn’t have to experience it ever again.
Reality had a much different plan, since then I have faced so many bullies in all shapes and forms.
You can’t predict when someone decides that you will be their victim. That you will be the punching bag for all the anger and hate that is obviously gushing through their veins. You can’t predict when people will go out of their way to tear you down to make themselves feel better.
It doesn’t get better with time.
I cried last night because some girl decided that she will take the opportunity to ruin a great moment for me by trying to tear me down – 18 years later bullies still make me feel the same way that boy did back in the elevator. The one thing I have learned through all these experiences is to not let the taunting and hurtful crippling words get the better of me and my spirit and not let that rule my life. It is hard though, so hard.
A few months (?) ago I wrote a post about how blood cancer has affected my life and how it has motivated me to take part in the world’s greatest shave. Since then my local paper published an article to help me raise funds (thanks Maribyrnong Leader!), I was able to raise $1000 thanks to my generous family and friends (donation still open, if you are interested), and on the 11th of March I rocked up to Federation Square, got on a stage and let the volunteers shave off my locks…
Not going to lie, there was a moment during the shave when I actually had tears in my eyes – I loved my long hair and a lot of my confidence came from wearing my long hair out and there I was letting someone just shave it all off. But now (four days after the fact), I love the new me and it feels liberating to just wear my face. So here I am #nofilter
More importantly, the events around Australia raised $10 million – that’s $10 million that will go towards those suffering from blood cancer and their families to aid treatment processes, that’s $10 million that will go to researchers who are in the process of finding a cure. It makes me hopeful, maybe not for my grandmother who’s cancer has worsened over the past month (she is being tested for TB at the moment) but there is hope for others and I think it’s important to be hopeful in this fight for a cure.
My resolutions for the year – I know I am a little late to the party but I wanted to spend a little bit of time thinking about what I wanted to achieve this year and more importantly how I will spend my time. Last year was a good start but I feel like I was a little too ambitious and didn’t consider all the things that I had going on and i started becoming really overwhelmed, so lesson learned!
Also, I want to write out my resolutions not because they are new and profound goals but because I feel like having them written down will make me a lot more accountable and I will be a lot more inclined to follow through on them.
See the silver lining: I try my best to always see the good in people and be happy with any sort of citrus fruits life hands me but towards the end of last year I was getting really angry with everything and everyone. That kind of attitude made it harder for me to be happy about situations and I became a whiny, complain-y, let’s have a bleak attitude towards life kind of person – and really this just negatively affects me and no one else so what is the point! This year I want to refocus myself and think of what I have learned and gained from the situation regardless of how bad it may be. I am not going to let everything affect me and if it starts bothering me I am going to make the conscious effort to remove myself from the situation or relationship as kindly and respectfully as I can.
See a doctor: To be honest I have been pretty unhealthy the past few weeks and I have promised myself that February onwards I am going to be off of ‘holiday mode’ and get back to paying attention to my body. I need to stop avoiding doctors and go and figure out what is wrong with me (I am currently suffering from insomnia, back pains and digestion issues) and stop cheating and start treating my body like the temple that it is. More yoga and chia seeds and less booze and steak! OH AND MORE WATER!
Be kind: I want to spend more time volunteering and doing things that will help make someone else happier. We get so focused on making our own lives better and we keep telling ourselves that once we are ‘settled’ we will do more for the world and I just don’t want to keep putting it off anymore. There is so much more to life than just working and money and a white picket fence and the world needs more people who have open arms and hearts.
So there you go, my three resolutions for the year to heal my mind, body and soul. I hope all of you who have made your resolutions are able to keep track 🙂
Yes I know my apologies for not writing are becoming repetitive but I’m sorry! So here is a pictorial update/explanation of why I was silent.
Andres and I went back to Sri Lanka in December and we got married!!!! It was the most incredible and magical day!
Standing there at our alter I found myself incredibly overwhelmed by how blessed I felt to have met and married the kind of person who understands, appreciates and inspires me everyday. I couldn’t help but smile at my family who have consistently and constantly shown me unconditional love and patience. I couldn’t help but be proud of myself for having acquired gem like friends who turned up to celebrate this day with us. It was a magical day not only because I felt like a princess but because I realised how truly lucky I am to belong to have the kind of tribe I do.
After our wonderful wedding day, we travelled around Sri Lanka which was AMAZING – and I will do a sort of travel blog post about it next. it was hard to come back to Australia but hey got to face reality sooner or later don’t we? Anyway, now I am back and ready take on the new year 😀
My dad, is a big fan of chain mails and usually I groan when I get any email from him but today he sent me a forward that was actually lovely (GO CHAIN MAILS!). It is probably one that has been circulated a lot but hey it’s still pretty great!
A little girl was holding two apples in both hands Her mum came in and softly asked her little daughterwith a smile; my sweetie, could you give your mum one of your two apples? The girl looked up at her mum for some seconds, then she suddenly took a quick bite on one apple, and then quickly on the other. The mum felt the smile on her face freeze. She tried hard not to reveal her disappointment. Then the little girl handed one of her bitten apples to her mum, and said: mummy, here you are. This is the sweeter one.
No matter who you are, how experienced you are, and how knowledgeable you think you are, always delay judgement.
Give others the privilege to explain themselves. What you see may not be the reality. Never conclude for others.
Which is why we should never only focus on the surface and judge others without understanding them first.